By most definitions, I would be considered a “cosmopolitan” (not the magazine or the drink, mind you). I travel to various countries on several different continents for about one third of my time, giving talks in English to audiences of mixed nationalities. I work and socialize in English, with people of varying backgrounds and cultural heritages. Many of my friends, ex-partners and colleagues are native English speakers. Heck, I recently even signed a book deal with a major tech publisher, for a technical book in —wait for it— English.
I’m not complaining, I bloody love this language. In fact, I like it even more than Greek, which is my own mother tongue (the grass is greener… you know the drill). By most accounts, English seems to like me back: Most people I meet are impressed by my level of fluency, although I think I still have plenty of room for improvement. Despite that, I might still make an odd mistake here and there, and to a native speaker, I certainly have an accent. Thankfully not a thick one, as is common with Greeks, and many guys even think it’s hot. However, the fact remains that except some Americans who think I’m British (lol), most native speakers can instantly tell that English is not my native language. That becomes a problem when they start trying to be accommodating and thoughtful by making assumptions, which as you should know by now, are the mother of all fuckups.
Let me start by admitting that perfect hearing and good auditory processing were never among my strengths. During a conversation, I will often ask the other person to repeat themselves, even if we’re speaking in Greek. When, however, that person is a native English speaker, they will more often than not assume I didn’t understand them and try to rephrase using “simpler” words. I know that their intentions are noble, but it just comes off as patronizing and presumptuous. Please, don’t do that. If I didn’t understand a word you used, I’m not shy of asking what it means. In fact, I love it when people use words I don’t know, because it gives me the chance to learn something new! However, if I just ask “Sorry?” or “What?”, it simply means I didn’t hear you. Don’t overthink it.
Similarly, if I repeat part of what you said back to you as a question, I’m likely trying to make a point or ask you to clarify. It’s a common rhetorical device, as I’m sure you are aware of. Please, don’t interpret the same words in a different way because they come from me and not another native speaker. It’s almost like some weird sort of discrimination. Here’s a recent example: I was having a chat with a guy I know, when he said “[they] are working on your side”. I replied “my side?”, prompting him to clarify, i.e. why he thought that was my side. He replied that it’s idiomatic and it means “in your favour” or “your team”. It took me a few moments of WTF before I realized he was actually trying to explain what …“on your side” meant! Seriously?!
It gets even worse when it comes to personal expression or —god forbid— humor. If I make a pun that requires some thinking to “get”, many native speakers will not even try to think it through and just brush it off as some language mistake. If I use an overly formal word on purpose, they will assume I’m not aware of the colloquial alternative. If I use the Singular they or some uncommon form of gender neutral language, to some it’s not a political statement, just another foreigner making grammar mistakes, the poor thing! If I intentionally misspell a word (e.g. gawd, dood), some idiot might always think I didn’t know the correct spelling. The latter is especially unbearable, since I’m quite the spelling nazi in both languages I speak.
However, what tops it all is the native speaker who will rephrase on their own initiative, because they preemptively worry I will not understand their “fancy big words”, before I show any sign that could be even remotely interpreted as confusion. It becomes even more amusing when instead of rephrasing, they pause mid-sentence to explain what the word they just used means. I guess that could be immensely useful, if I didn’t actually know the word, but their guess is almost always off. In fact, when they do use a word I didn’t know, it’s never one of those.
Dear Native English Speaker, here’s a word of advice if you want to get along well with me and other people who speak English as a second language:
- Please don’t assume that every time I say something that baffles you, it’s because I used the language incorrectly. People are often baffling, and it rarely has to do with the language used. Spend some brain cycles trying to parse what I said before you jump to the easy conclusion.
- Please don’t assume I do not understand your “fancy” words unless I explicitly ask you what you meant. Treat any other question the same way you’d treat it if it came from another native English speaker.
- Keep in mind that since recognition is usually easier than recall, most people understand foreign languages much better than they speak them.
- If you are certain I made some mistake and that it wasn’t intentional, how about you tell me for a change, instead of trying to be “accommodating”? I love improving and so do most people!
Basically, don’t treat us as people with special needs. Don’t dumb it down for us. It can’t be that hard, right?